Reflections
I'm having an old battle again today.
For as long as I can remember, the mirror has not been my friend. I know it has nothing to do with the mirror and everything to do with me. I use it to hurt myself.
This is a stupidly difficult post to write.
I hate myself. There, there it is. For the longest time, I have hated myself.
Parts of it are physical, or you make them into a part of it. What you see in the mirror disgusts you. You are sure that you have no worth.
No, not you.
I.
I am sure I have no worth. This is the foundation of my self.
What happens then is interesting. If someone does care about me, I assume any number of things to rationalise this into that sense of self. They are lying. They don't really know me. They are worthless too.
I wrote in a previous post that I am free now. I'm not free. But I'm trying.
I'm really really trying.
For as long as I can remember, the mirror has not been my friend. I know it has nothing to do with the mirror and everything to do with me. I use it to hurt myself.
This is a stupidly difficult post to write.
I hate myself. There, there it is. For the longest time, I have hated myself.
Parts of it are physical, or you make them into a part of it. What you see in the mirror disgusts you. You are sure that you have no worth.
No, not you.
I.
I am sure I have no worth. This is the foundation of my self.
What happens then is interesting. If someone does care about me, I assume any number of things to rationalise this into that sense of self. They are lying. They don't really know me. They are worthless too.
I wrote in a previous post that I am free now. I'm not free. But I'm trying.
I'm really really trying.
posted by Riona at
3:31 AM
2 Comments:
Please don't ever say you don't have worth. I hate it when I hear someone say that a human being is worthless; even when they are talking about themselves. You may not agree with me, but I believe that God is the giver of life, and he has never... not one single time made a worthless human being. The problem is that people often fail to realize the value that is in them, and they forfeit that value for some thing cheap or inconsequential.
Girl, I don't know you at all, but reading your blog I can see that you have a good head on your shoulders. You obviously have some ambition in you, and you have at times seen the potential that lies within you. Hey, we all go through times were we are down and discouraged. Some of us fight battles with depression. I have been there too. But you can win this thing.
It may not mean much to you, but I want you to know that there is a crazy preacher in Illinois that is praying for you. I know what God has done in my life, and I know he can and will do the same for you.
Hang in there girl.
By
Darrell, at 9:06 PM
Thank you Darrell for your words.
I know I'm not worthless, I do, it's just I don't *know* it. I'll get there though.
... and strangely, it means a lot to have crazy preacher in Illinois praying for me :)
By
Riona, at 7:19 AM
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